Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
