Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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