well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
