He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
