i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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