How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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