Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I want her autograph on my taint
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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