I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
