I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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