Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
