and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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