i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
