He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
