Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
