I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
