it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
