Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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