You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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