That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
