i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
