The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
