According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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