Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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