Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
