Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
