I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wish my penis had a tongue
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
