I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
