Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
