I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
