Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
