i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
