pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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