Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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