i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
