the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
