I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
