Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
