I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just gargled with NyQuil
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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