shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
