this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
