Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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