the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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