I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize