how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
