Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
