I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
