i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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