my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
