she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
im on a boat
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