Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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