i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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