Joe is yelling at the trees again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
