those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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