He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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