I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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