Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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