she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
