you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
