i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
