What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
