also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
