girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
