you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
