Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
