OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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