If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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