I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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