When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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