I smell stomach acid.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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