I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you win again, gameday.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The power of my boobs compel you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
