he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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