I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
only if we run a train.
done.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
