Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
