I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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