thus making me awesome and them whores
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
