I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
