Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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