I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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