Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
