just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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