This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
