my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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