I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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