I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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