well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
