dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
