I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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